Our Figures are Slipping — “It’s very short notice—there’s my pussy to consider. Who’s going to let it out?”
Cold Comfort — “You’re lucky to have me at all, Captain Peacock. I had to thaw me pussy out before I came. It had been out all night.”
The Think Tank — “Well, if I’m not home on the stroke of six, my pussy goes mad.”
Hoorah for the Holidays — “Oh, Mr. Rumbold, I hope this isn’t going to take long. My pussy’s been locked up for eight hours.”
The Hand of Fate — “You know, animals are very psychic. I mean, the least sign of danger and my pussy’s hair stands on end.”
German Week — “You know, this sort of thing just isn’t fair on my pussy. She has a go at the furniture if I’m not there prompt.”
New Look — “It’s a wonder I’m here at all, you know. My pussy got soakin’ wet. I had to dry it out in front of the fire before I left.”
Christmas Crackers — “I hope we’re not going to be late tonight. Because I’ve left Winston clinging to the curtain ring—he refuses to come down. The mere sight of my pussy drives him mad.”
No Sale — “Having a bath at 6 o’clock in the morning played havoc with my pussy.”
Forward, Mr. Grainger — “Well, speaking personally, I never have any trouble getting up in the morning. My pussy’s just like an alarm clock. Every morning at 6:15 it drops its clockwork mouse on my pillow.”
Fire Practice — “Can we get on with it? I can’t bear the sight of my pussy, standing at the door with a tin-opener in its mouth.”
Fire Practice — “Oh, I don’t need a fire alarm. At the first sign of smoke, my pussy rushes into the garden and it sits on the concrete tortoise in the middle of the goldfish bowl.”
The Father Christmas Affair — “Well, I hope it’s not going to take long. If I’m not home on the stroke of seven, my pussy starts clawing at my busy lizzy.”
Mrs. Slocombe Expects — “Well, the central heating broke down. I had to light the oven and hold my pussy in front.”
A Change is as Good as a Rest — “But they’re all dogs! Is there no demand for mechanical pussies?”
The Old Order Changes — “I hope this isn’t going to take long, Captain Peacock. The last time I was late, a fireman had to climb out of my bedroom window and risk his life on a narrow ledge tryin’ to grab hold of my pussy.”
Goodbye, Mr. Grainger — “Oh, look! It’s a diamante collar for my pussy.”
The Club — “Well, if I’m to spend an evening in this club, there’ll have to be accommodation for my pussy.”
Shedding the Load — “She went right up to the sergeant at the desk, and she said, ‘Have any of your constables reported having seen this lady’s pussy?’”
A Bliss Girl — “What about this fog? My pussy’s been gasping all night.”
Happy Returns — “Well, I can’t stay too late. The man next door is popping in every half-hour to keep an eye on my pussy.”
The Junior — “I’ve got to get home. If my pussy isn’t attended to by 8 o’clock, I shall be strokin’ it for the rest of the evening.”
The Apartment — “Well, you know how clumsy those removal men are. I’m not havin’ ‘em handlin’ my pussy.”
The Apartment — “Mr. Humphries! Leave my pussy alone!”
The Hero — “Today’s the day my pussy comes of age!”
Anything You Can Do — “If there are any leftovers, my pussy gobbles them up in a flash.”
Is It Catching? — “But at 7 o’clock tonight, my pussy’s expectin’ to see a friendly face.”
Closed Circuit — “Is that Mr. Ackbar? Mrs. Slocombe here, your next-door neighbor. I wonder, would you do me a favour? Would you go to my front door, bend down, and look through the letter-box? And if you can see my pussy, would you drop a sardine on the mat?”
Roots? — “I’ve got a sculptor coming this evening. He’s going to do my pussy in clay.”
Roots? — “It’s at a very critical stage. All last night, I had to keep it on the table covered by a wet flannel. And tonight at 9 o’clock, all the neighbors are comin’ in to watch him pour plaster of paris all over it…and then put it in a very hot oven.”
Sweet Smell of Success — “I inadvertently dropped some on my pussy, and there were tomcats throwin’ themselves against my cat-flap all night.”
Calling All Customers — “I ought to ring my neighbor and ask her to look in on my pussy.”
Calling All Customers — “They’re for my pussy…d’you know, it wins a prize every time I show it.”
Monkey Business — “But then they spotted my pussy and were off.”
Lost and Found — “I suddenly realized he means more to me than anything else in the world…except my pussy, of course.”
Goodbye, Mrs. Slocombe — “Twenty minutes later my pussy was in a basket on its way to Scotland.”
The Night Club — “Look, I’m trying to get my pussy on the phone!”
Friends and Neighbors — “My only problem is, will my pussy feel at home in a strange place?”
Grace & Favour (Are You Being Served? Again!) #1 — “Mr. Humphries, would you hold my pussy while I alight?”
Grace & Favour #1 — “Somebody help me, please! That naughty goat has got hold of my pussy and won’t let go!”
Grace & Favour #2 — “He won’t be so confident when he sees my pussy.”
Grace & Favour #2 — “They’re not having my pussy! And I am unanimous in that!”
Grace & Favour #5 — “I’ll put my pussy in front of the hole, and the next time he comes out, he’ll get a nasty shock.”
Grace & Favour #5 — “Captain Peacock, have you seen my pussy?”
Grace & Favour #7 — “My pussy was very agitated.”
Grace & Favour #9 — “He was devoted to me…and to the pussy I had at the time.”
Grace & Favour #10 — “I’ve never seen one of those before…a two hundred year-old pussy.”
Grace & Favour #10 — “I have a pussy of great antiquity, and I’d like him to take a look at it.”
Grace & Favour #11 — “He’d have raised a pussy.”
Grace & Favour #12 — “Do you know, I found my pussy trapped in my drawers.”
